Always Fighting for the Love of My Life

Edward J. Demyan; Pancreatic Cancer Victim; Supported and written by MaryKaye Mackulin, who loved him.
RIP my sweet man ... 1963 - 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

So, Thanksgiving

So, like I stated above, I hate to admit it and I hate to sound so bitter - but I really wasn't feeling very "thankful" this Thanksgiving.  Although being with the closest people to me for 4 days in the ATL was a great break from reality!  And, anytime I can have cocktails at El Azteca in the ATL, it's all good.  I have some very fond memories of Ed there!

My teenager has decided that it is everyone else's fault but her own that she needs to leave her high-school...  Hmmmm, no one else made the bad choices for you - you are the only one that has the power to change what you do?!  Man, wake up already and take some responsibility for yourself.  It has just made an incredibly difficult time almost completely unbearable.  The drama and ugliness she brings home is unreal.  Hopefully this change will help her grow up and see that she needs to get it together or her future will be pretty pathetic and she will wind up in a job that she hates just to pay the bills (I speak from experience).  Help yourself while you're young and you can make changes.

Other than that - I just try to get through each day without having a mental break down.  And now, bring on the rest of the Holidays....  Not in the least excited about any of it.

When the one person in your life that made everything bearable is gone, nothing really seems to matter anymore.  He truly filled me with joy and made me laugh every single day we were together.  Laughing is not something I do very often anymore - I just "am" now.  If anyone would have told me that I could be this incredibly sad, I would not have believed it for a minute.  But sad I am, all the time.
And for these reasons - I tend not to update the blog very much.  Who wants to read this depressing stuff, no one really, and I get that.

There is no more "we", just an "I" and that sucks, plain and simple. 

So - if you are lucky enough to be a "we" with that exact right person, do not - I repeat - Do Not take it for granted, it could be gone before you know it.  And, if you are in a miserable situation - change it!  Don't try to be honorable, be Happy!  Ed had regrets, big ones, we discussed this a lot in the end - he would tell you all - Be Happy even it means not "doing the right thing" because that will just get you screwed in the end.

So - Be Happy everyone and make changes in 2012.  I know I'm going to try 'cause it's all there is left to do.

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