Always Fighting for the Love of My Life

Edward J. Demyan; Pancreatic Cancer Victim; Supported and written by MaryKaye Mackulin, who loved him.
RIP my sweet man ... 1963 - 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

So, Thanksgiving

So, like I stated above, I hate to admit it and I hate to sound so bitter - but I really wasn't feeling very "thankful" this Thanksgiving.  Although being with the closest people to me for 4 days in the ATL was a great break from reality!  And, anytime I can have cocktails at El Azteca in the ATL, it's all good.  I have some very fond memories of Ed there!

My teenager has decided that it is everyone else's fault but her own that she needs to leave her high-school...  Hmmmm, no one else made the bad choices for you - you are the only one that has the power to change what you do?!  Man, wake up already and take some responsibility for yourself.  It has just made an incredibly difficult time almost completely unbearable.  The drama and ugliness she brings home is unreal.  Hopefully this change will help her grow up and see that she needs to get it together or her future will be pretty pathetic and she will wind up in a job that she hates just to pay the bills (I speak from experience).  Help yourself while you're young and you can make changes.

Other than that - I just try to get through each day without having a mental break down.  And now, bring on the rest of the Holidays....  Not in the least excited about any of it.

When the one person in your life that made everything bearable is gone, nothing really seems to matter anymore.  He truly filled me with joy and made me laugh every single day we were together.  Laughing is not something I do very often anymore - I just "am" now.  If anyone would have told me that I could be this incredibly sad, I would not have believed it for a minute.  But sad I am, all the time.
And for these reasons - I tend not to update the blog very much.  Who wants to read this depressing stuff, no one really, and I get that.

There is no more "we", just an "I" and that sucks, plain and simple. 

So - if you are lucky enough to be a "we" with that exact right person, do not - I repeat - Do Not take it for granted, it could be gone before you know it.  And, if you are in a miserable situation - change it!  Don't try to be honorable, be Happy!  Ed had regrets, big ones, we discussed this a lot in the end - he would tell you all - Be Happy even it means not "doing the right thing" because that will just get you screwed in the end.

So - Be Happy everyone and make changes in 2012.  I know I'm going to try 'cause it's all there is left to do.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Festive Friday Q104

Shout out to the entire gang at Q104 for letting me and Megan, our event coordinator for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, Cleveland Affiliate, join the show this morning.  Everyone down at Q104 could not have been nicer and it was a very COOL experience!

It is one of those experiences that is nothing like what you expect...  You sit in a very small room and there are only a few people in the Festive Friday audience - I always thought that it was a room with about 25 people in the audience, it's more like 8 - who knew?!  We got treated to Angelo's Pizza from Lakewood - just incredible.  They actually have a mashed potato pizza, crazy good stuff!  One of the Q104 staff members shared with us that her 80 year old Grandma was just married after beating Pancreatic Cancer - it was a very uplifting story and just goes to show ya, you are never too old to find true love!  Red Beard Ben is adorable, Megan wanted to take him home in her pocket.  Allan Fee and Katherine Boyd are great hosts and make you feel right at home.  Thank You Q104!  Cleveland Rocks.

Megan did an outstanding job promoting PurpleLight for this coming Sunday (11.20.11); praying the rain will not put a "damper" on our event.

Edward James, you remain in my heart and mind every second of every day - I miss you always. 
I cannot believe we are less than one week away from Thanksgiving, your favorite holiday of all!  We will celebrate your life and your passion to live up until the very end my love.  You are my inspiration to do good things.

Wishing all of you a healthy and happy Holiday Season... hard to believe it's upon us once again.

Peace - MK 

Monday, November 14, 2011

Thank You Cleveland Plain Dealer

I hope you all enjoy this follow-up article in today's Clevleand Plain Dealer.  Ed would be proud that light continues to be shed on this disease that needs so much attention.

Please join us for PurpleLight this coming Sunday, 11.20.2011 to honor the survivors, those who continue to battle and those we have lost.

PurpleLight.Org - register today and let's turn the country purple on Sunday!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

11.11.2010 Email - Funny

From: Mackulin, Mary Kaye   Sent: Thursday, November 11, 2010 10:23 AM
To: Ed Demyan
Subject: Good Morning

Good Morning... How are you feeling today? ILY... xoxo me

-----Original Message-----
From: Ed Demyan   Sent: Thursday, November 11, 2010 10:55 AM
To: Mackulin, Mary Kaye
Subject: RE: Good Morning

Feeling OK. I got this cancer thing going on and its a little bothersome. ;p

From: Mackulin, Mary Kaye   Sent: Thursday, November 11, 2010 10:58 AM
To: Ed Demyan
Subject: RE: Good Morning
Aren't you just the comedian this morning... xo

-----Original Message-----
From: Ed Demyan  Sent: Thursday, November 11, 2010 11:05 AM
To: Mackulin, Mary Kaye
Subject: RE: Good Morning


You are my soul Mr. EJD and I will love you my entire life.  This Month Is For You my sweet, sweet man.  I hope you are happy where ever you are!  Rob burned the new Alice CD for me - the first song is us, entirely.  I am so bitter and angry these days and I hope it ends soon - I absolutely hate wasting any energy on negative feelings, but it is just so intense right now.  I have not felt this angry in such a long time, and now I feel it every single day.  I know this would make you unhappy with me, and I promise you I will try and get over it - I'm a walking open wound right now and I just can't seem to get passed it as quickly as I'd like.  For you I will try.  ILYSM and MYSM....  me xoxoxo