Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and AACR Award Research Grants Totaling More Than $3.4 Million

Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and AACR Award Research Grants Totaling More Than $3.4 Million

Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and AACR Award Research
Grants Totaling More Than $3.4 Million

CHICAGO — The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and the American Association for Cancer Research awarded 14 grants to outstanding scientists throughout the country, supporting their innovative research in the field of pancreatic cancer.

This year’s total funding level of more than $3.4 million represents the largest annual disbursement since the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network introduced the program in 2003.

"Partnering with the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network is an incredibly satisfying experience. It has given us an opportunity to work with the spectacular professional staff there and has enabled us to help fund the most-promising, cutting-edge pancreatic cancer research to advance the field," said Margaret Foti, Ph.D., M.D. (h.c.), chief executive officer of the AACR. "These worthy projects have the potential to lead to major breakthroughs that will prevent, detect and treat pancreatic cancer, one of the most deadly of all cancers."

In its mission to advance pancreatic cancer research, the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network has collaborated with the AACR to promote and support outstanding research focused on conquering this dread disease. The goals of the grants program are to build a robust pancreatic cancer research community; to encourage collaboration, information-sharing and innovation; and to expedite scientific and medical breakthroughs for patient benefit.

"We are so impressed by the caliber of these 14 scientists and proud to fund their outstanding research projects. We are looking forward to engaging them with our organization and working together to help accelerate scientific breakthroughs," said Lynn Matrisian, Ph.D., vice president of scientific and medical affairs at the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. "These grant recipients are joining a strong and dynamic collaborative community of researchers the organization has been developing since 2003 when we launched our grants program. Their findings will undoubtedly move us closer to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network’s goal of doubling the survival rate of pancreatic cancer by 2020."

The recipients will be honored at a grants reception and dinner during the AACR Annual Meeting 2012, held here March 31 - April 4.

The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network-AACR Pathway to Leadership Grants are five-year grants totaling $600,000 each. These grants are designed to support the future leadership of pancreatic cancer research by funding outstanding early-career investigators beginning in their postdoctoral, mentored research positions and continuing through their successful transition to independence. The 2012 recipients are:

• Stephanie K. Dougan, Ph.D., Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research
  "Transnuclear mice: Understanding the T cell response to pancreatic cancer"
  Supported by Celgene Corporation.
  
• Oliver G. McDonald, M.D., Ph.D., Johns Hopkins University
  "Genome-wide epigenetic reprogramming during evolution of pancreatic cancer"
  Supported by The Daniel and Janet Mordecai Foundation

The 2012 Pancreatic Cancer Action Network-AACR Innovative Grants are intended to promote the development and study of novel ideas and approaches in basic, translational, clinical or epidemiological research that have direct application and relevance to pancreatic cancer. These two-year grants provide $200,000 over the grant term. The 2012 recipients are:

• David A. Boothman, Ph.D., UT Southwestern Medical Center
  "NQO1-mediated ‘kiss of death’ targeted therapy for pancreatic cancer"
  Supported by the George & June Block Family Foundation
  
• Paul J. Chiao, Ph.D., University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center
  "TAK1 is a novel therapeutic target in pancreatic cancer" Supported in part by the Lefkofsky Family Foundation
  
• Channing J. Der, Ph.D., The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
  "Mechanism of ERK inhibition resistance and ERK-dependent pancreatic cancer"
  Supported by Tempur-Pedic Retailers
  
• Peter Espenshade, Ph.D., Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine
  "SREBP pathway as a target for pancreatic cancer therapy"
  Supported in memory of Bonnie L. Tobin
  
• Tyler Jacks, Ph.D., Massachusetts Institute of Technology
  "Mechanisms of K-RAS independent growth in pancreatic cancer"
  Supported by Blum-Kovler Foundation

The 2012 Pancreatic Cancer Action Network-AACR Career Development Awards are two-year grants of $200,000 that are designed to attract and support early-career scientists as they conduct pancreatic cancer research and establish successful career paths in the field. This year’s recipients are:

• Jiyoung Ahn, Ph.D., New York University School of Medicine
  "Oral microbiome and pancreatic cancer: A prospective case-control study"
  Supported by The Daniel and Janet Mordecai Foundation
  
• Darren R. Carpizo, M.D., Ph.D., University of Medicine & Dentistry of New Jersey-Robert Wood Johnson Medical School
  "Pre-clinical studies of a p53 mutant synthetic lethal compound in pancreatic cancer"
  Supported by The Daniel and Janet Mordecai Foundation
  
• Eric A. Collisson, M.D., University of California, San Francisco
  "Optimizing MEK inhibition in pancreatic cancer; from cytostatic to cidal"
  
• Mikala Egeblad, Ph.D., Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory
  "Dynamics of tumor-stroma interactions in pancreatic cancer"
  Supported by The Daniel and Janet Mordecai Foundation
  
• Kazuki N. Sugahara, M.D., Ph.D., Sanford-Burnham Medical Research Institute
  "Tissue-penetrating drug delivery to desmoplastic pancreatic tumors"
  Supported by The Daniel and Janet Mordecai Foundation
  
• David Sung-wen Yu, M.D., Ph.D., Emory University
  "Exploiting the replication stress response in pancreatic cancer"

The 2012 Pancreatic Cancer Action Network-AACR Fellowship is a one-year grant of $45,000 designed to support a postdoctoral investigator’s work in pancreatic cancer research. The 2012 recipient is:

• Florencia McAllister, M.D., Johns Hopkins University
  "Role of inflammatory cells in early pancreatic tumorigenesis"
  Supported in memory of Samuel Stroum

# # #

MEDIA CONTACTS:
Tara Yates
American Association for Cancer Research
(215) 446-7110
Tara.Yates@aacr.org
In Chicago, March 31 - April 4:
(312) 528-8206

Jennifer Reeves
Public Relations Manager
Pancreatic Cancer Action Network
Direct: 310-706-3362
Email: jreeves@pancan.org
In Chicago, March 31 - April 3:
(310) 460-8901

Press registration for the AACR Annual Meeting 2012 is free to qualified journalists and public information officers: http://www.aacr.org/PressRegistration.

About the AACR
Founded in 1907, the American Association for Cancer Research (AACR) is the world's first and largest professional organization dedicated to advancing cancer research and its mission to prevent and cure cancer. AACR's membership includes 34,000 laboratory, translational and clinical researchers; population scientists; other health care professionals; and cancer advocates residing in more than 90 countries. The AACR marshals the full spectrum of expertise of the cancer community to accelerate progress in the prevention, biology, diagnosis and treatment of cancer by annually convening more than 20 conferences and educational workshops, the largest of which is the AACR Annual Meeting with more than 18,000 attendees. In addition, the AACR publishes seven peer-reviewed scientific journals and a magazine for cancer survivors, patients and their caregivers. The AACR funds meritorious research directly as well as in cooperation with numerous cancer organizations. As the Scientific Partner of Stand Up To Cancer, the AACR provides expert peer review, grants administration and scientific oversight of individual and team science grants in cancer research that have the potential for patient benefit. The AACR actively communicates with legislators and policymakers about the value of cancer research and related biomedical science in saving lives from cancer.

For more information about the AACR, visit www.AACR.org.

Follow the AACR on Twitter: @aacr #aacr
Follow the AACR on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/aacr.org

About the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network
The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network is the national organization creating hope in a comprehensive way through research, patient support, community outreach and advocacy for a cure. The organization is leading the way to increase the survival rate for people diagnosed with this devastating disease through a bold initiative — The Vision of Progress: Double the Pancreatic Cancer Survival Rate by 2020. Together, we can know, fight and end pancreatic cancer by intensifying our efforts to heighten awareness, raise funds for comprehensive private research, and advocate for dedicated federal research to advance early diagnostics, better treatments and increase chances of survival.

Click here to meet these grant recipients and learn more about their funded projects.

Follow the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network on Twitter: @pancan
Follow the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network on Facebook: www.facebook.com/jointhefight

Seeing Coach Ryan Speak Was Truly Inspiring

Coach Ryan spoke this past weekend at The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network's Community Outreach Leadership Training event in Chicago Illinois, which I was PRIVILIGED to be a part of!  Her presence is so dynamic and her hope is infectious....   Here is something from her that I found on another site today and I thought it was worth sharing!  (Hey Virginia - Be Proud - Be Loud!)

Ryan, survivor and former UVa coach, to speak on pancreatic cancer

"Debbie Ryan doesn’t know how she beat pancreatic cancer. Not many do. But now that she has, she’s hoping she can shed light on an atypically deadly disease.

Thursday, the Patients & Friends Steering Committee of the University of Virginia Cancer Center will host a presentation on pancreatic cancer. The lead speaker will be Ryan, the legendary former UVa women’s basketball coach.  “It’s not about beating the odds,” Ryan said. “It’s more about the fact that I was just lucky. I don’t know why I’m still here, and most of my doctors don’t know why. It’s just that it kind of disappeared.”  In most cases, that’s not what happens.

Pancreatic cancer is among the most deadly cancers, killing 94 percent of all patients in the first five years, according to Meredith Gunter of the Patients & Friends Research Fund, an all-volunteer organization dedicated to raising money for cancer research at the University of Virginia. Patients & Friends is hosting the presentation.

“Patients & Friends is offering this program to help inform the community about this disease and about the hope we can find in the work done at UVa,” Gunter wrote in an email.

Pancreatic cancer claimed 38,000 deaths in 2011, according to a statement from the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. It’s the only “top ten” most common cancer with a five-year survival rate in the single digits, and that statistic is nearly the same as it was 40 years ago, according to the statement.  One of the big problems with raising money for pancreatic cancer is the shortage of survivors to “carry the flag,” Ryan said in a phone interview from Chicago, where she was also giving a talk on the subject.

The longtime coach of the UVa women’s basketball team and soon-to-be member of the Virginia Sports Hall of Fame is an 11-year survivor of the disease.  “I think it’s becoming more and more understood, but it is a disease that we are way behind on,” Ryan said. “Many patients are treated with 1950s drugs. I was treated with 1950s drugs.”  Ryan said she really believes in the cause and strongly supports the work of UVa professors Kim Kelly and Dr. Todd Bauer, who she said are “doing an amazing job at trying to eradicate this horrible disease.” Kelly and Bauer will also speak Thursday.

Short of eradication, she hopes it might be the sort of disease science learns to manage.

Ryan said the disease is of rising importance, because it hits the heavier more often, though it can also kill the thin.  The number of cases is expected to increase by 55 percent in the next 20 years, according to Gunter.  “We put so much money into prostate and breast cancer that we’ve made both of them manageable diseases in some cases,” she said.  Among the casualties to pancreatic cancer, she said, are Steve Jobs of Apple, actor Patrick Swayze, singer Luciano Pavarotti and actress Donna Reed.

The presentation, New Frontiers in Treatment, Detection, and Prevention: Changing the Pancreatic Cancer Paradigm, will take place Thursday at Alumni Hall.  Registration and continental breakfast will begin at 8 a.m. The program will run from 8:30 to 9:30 a.m.  Kelly will be presenting on molecular imagining scans as a form of early detection. She is a recipient of a research grant from the PCAN. Bauer will speak about personalized therapies.  The event is free and open to the public, but an RSVP is required. Call 924-8432 or rsvp.hsdo@virginia.edu to RSVP.  UVa Imaging is underwriting the event."

Pancreatic Cancer Advocacy Day 2012 Registrants

Pancreatic Cancer Advocacy Day 2012 Registrants

If you read this blog, you know what is most important to me right now!!!!   ADVOCACY...  

We, meaning the Advocates for Pancreatic Cancer Research & Funding, need more advocates to join our fight.  Don't let that person you love, who is fighting or has lost their battle with PC, be in vein....  HELP US FIGHT!  As another courageous man lost his battle this weekend, at the age of 34 no less, how can we not take the hill and fight for funding?!

Won't you come to Washington, DC with us to let the Government know that this disease needs more funding for research, for effective treatment options, for a CURE....   It's OUR TIME, It's OUR Turn.

It's time that PC becomes a priority to our Government - It's time that funding for this cancer gets a piece of the pie...  

Knowit.Fightit.Endit.org - We Need You! 

Happy Birthday MY Love

Today was about you and your precious life... You were in my head and heart all day and so many people sent their love... So many things running through my head and heart, just don't have the energy to put it in words right now... But soon. Happy Birthday MY love... Hope it was awesome where you are. Xoxoxo me

What is beautiful?

-----Original Message-----

From:   Marykaye Mackulin

Sent:    Wednesday, April 26, 2006 9:09 AM
To:       ED DEMYAN
Subject: Morning Fish

Just wanted to say Good morning handsome. Loved talking last night, and again, no prob getting up, hope the same for you.

xoxoxox mk :)

RE: Morning Fish

Wednesday, April 26, 2006;  9:16 AM

From:  "ED DEMYAN"

To:      "Marykaye Mackulin"

I just started typing your e-mail address and you beat me to the e-mail again. I love it! Good morning to you also. I had no problem getting up either and was smiling as soon as I awoke. Another beautiful day, beautiful thoughts because of beautiful woman.   Life is GREAT!  You rock my world. (cheesy huh?)  The Carpel Tunnel Suck Fish

This was Ed, he never worried about impressing anyone...   He had a gift of expressing himself so wonderfully and honestly.  He was nothing but pure Goodness from his soul...   His absence is felt every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day...

xoxoxo Baby xoxoxo  me

3/6/2012 Adendum    Shared with me yesterday on Facebook from a friend after I stated how I want Ed to be proud of me if we are fortunate to be together on the otherside...  These are the statements that make me believe in what we had together and that it wasn't just my imagination:

On fb 3/5/2012 from Carole D:

Oh M.K.... please don't ever doubt that he was proud of you....listen to this quote from Ed to me Memorial Day 2011 during our conversation (this was in the garage after the "vasectomy" conversation :)......"just look at her would you, she's the reason, look at that smile it makes me smile, she's beautiful (big grin and a snicker), isn't she something, I love that woman".   Like Nanci said "real love" never dies neither will his words!!!

Chardon Ohio You Are In My Prayers

Dear Chardon Ohio and the Families Suffering From This Tragic Event,

You are all in my thoughts and prayers.  As the mother of a teenage daughter, I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through.  I am sad that your future will now be filled with more grief than you will be able to seem to bear.  You will bear it, because it is what we do.  This is just so incredibly senseless.  My daughter is in a private learning facility now, partly because of bullying issues partly because of her learning disability - school size was to big to manage by faculty & staff and she was so incredibly sad....  She is so well adjusted now and pretty much loving her new program.  Bullying is an epidemic, not unlike the cancer that stole my beloved.  There was no way in hell I was going to watch my only child continue to decline because of her daily environment, it was more than I could handle during my grieving over Ed.  I am NOT saying that bullying was an issue in the Chardon situation, it just keeps coming up.  It sounds more to me like the young man doing the shooting had severe issues and no one headed the warning signs.  I am a single Mom, but I pay close attention to my daughters attitudes and try and help her the best I can.  Too bad this young man didn't have the guidance he needed.  Grandparent's are awesome, but they are older and less wise to the ways of the world in this modern-tech filled century, in my opinion (again, my opinion).  My chest just aches.

RIP you three young men taken entirely too soon.  And a speedy recovery, both physically and mentally, to the two students still recovering.

And to all the families involved... find prayer, find support and love your family. 

Peace MK

Please Join Our Team

REGISTRATION OPEN FOR PURPLESTRIDE 2012, CLEVELAND!

HERE IS THE LINK TO REGISTER FOR PurpleStride2012 ON 6/16/2012 AT THE CLEVELAND METROPARKS ZOO:

http://bit.ly/PSCLE12

We Are Once Again "Ed's All Star Dream Team"

Let's Make Him Proud and Fight This Monster Of A Disease!

 

 

30,015

Hit the 30,015 page views today! Thank you readers!

6 Months Now

So, the six month mark came and went on Friday 2/17/12...  The sting of missing Ed is still incredibly strong.  Valentines day brought back an awesome memory from VD 2011.  Last year Ed was in Brooklyn for VD week, no big deal, we didn't really celebrate that day.  But in 2011, I guess he felt like he needed to make a fairly grand gesture - maybe because we knew it would be his last - or just because he WAS Ed and had the incredible gift of making me feel special for no reason at all.  Man I miss him.  So anyway,  I was just coming downstairs to leave for work and I hear my house door open, I was like - Hmmm?!  Who is coming in my house at 8 a.m.?!  It was my darling man...  Although he was on disability by this time and had NO reason to get up early - he did.  He went to Malley's (you have to be from the CLE to understand this) and picked me up fresh chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate bacon bark with an awesome card of course.  I mean, come on man, how sweet is that.  Here is a guy on disability, with terminal cancer, in so much pain it cannot be described, but he gets up early, fights the VD crowd at Malley's, drives the 20 minutes to my house - all before I leave for work - so I could have a special day...  the level of Ed's UNselfishness is still astonishing to me.  I will never know another human who is/was so selfless as he was.  He truly did NOT have a selfish bone in his body - it was why it was so easy for people to take advantage of him - and they did.  It took him a long time to really identify who his true friend were and who would not take advantage of his great nature.  Again, it goes to why we didn't get married - he would have done it for me - but there was NO way in hell I was going to take advantage of that sweet nature and put all that pressure and stress on our already rough road.  Would I have loved to have married him - HELL YES...  But, as I stated before - it wasn't the most important thing.  Ed had already given me the most important piece of paper of his life - I was his Health Care Power of Attorney - He trusted me to make the decisions for his end of life - that is a great honor and shows trust on a level that some people will never know.  He knew I would absolutely honor his wishes - to let him die the way HE wanted - no feeding tubes, no vent, no prolonged suffering.  Does every part of your being want to do that stuff when you love someone to keep them alive, again, HELL YES...   Would I ever NOT honor his wishes - Not In This Or Any Other Lifetime.  He was DNR CC only, no heroic measures were to be taken to save his life at the end, it would have only prolonged his suffering - he fought hard - he was tired - it was time for him to go home.

I miss Ed so deeply and profoundly that words cannot describe it.  I loved him so deeply and profoundly, that words cannot describe it.  So for all you lovers out there - it's not about Valentines Day - it's about EVERY DAY.  And if you are not with your absolute Best Friend on your journey through life - don't waste anymore time - make a change.

Also - If you read this blog - you know that The Cleveland Pancreatic Cancer Action Network is gearing up for PurpleStride 2012 - Won't you Please Please consider joining Ed's All Star Dream Team or at least make a small donation to our team.  When it comes to Pancreatic Cancer - every SINGLE penny counts!  I'm not asking for big dollars, just a few would be greatly appreciated.  People being diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer need to know that it is not automatically a death sentence and that HOPE is in their future.

Copy & Paste this link to register or donate:
http://www.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=1013361

or go to pancan.org and click on the "get involved" tab; go to "events & fundraising" look up the PurpleStride Signature Events - and find an upcoming PS in your community!  It's Easy - It's Important - It Could Save A Life!  We do not have the deep pockets like some other programs nor does the Gov't fund PC like some other cancers - we are grass roots - we need YOU!

Peace!  MK

REGISTRATION OPEN FOR PURPLESTRIDE 2012, CLEVELAND!

HERE IS THE LINK TO REGISTER FOR PurpleStride2012 ON 6/16/2012 AT THE CLEVELAND METROPARKS ZOO:

http://bit.ly/PSCLE12

We Are Once Again "Ed's All Star Dream Team"

Let's Make Him Proud and Fight This Monster Of A Disease!

PURPLESTRIDE 2012 - MARK YOUR CALENDAR NOW!!!

 

SATURDAY - JUNE 16, 2012

BE AT THE ZOO AND LET'S ALL CELEBRATE MY SWEET EDWARD JAMES... IT'S IMPORTANT AND YOU CAN HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

THE CLEVELAND AFFILIATE OF THE PANCREATIC CANCER ACTION NETWORK ANNOUNCES PURPLESTRIDE CLEVELAND,

SATURDAY, JUNE 16^TH

AT THE CLEVELAND METROPARK ZOO

The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, a national organization creating hope in a comprehensive way through research, patient support, community outreach and advocacy for a cure, announces PurpleStride Cleveland 2012. The 5K run/2 mile walk will promote awareness and raise funds for pancreatic cancer research and takes place on Saturday June 16, 2012 at the Cleveland Metropark Zoo.

This community event is planned entirely by local volunteers and everyone is welcome to participate.

Pancreatic cancer has the lowest survival rate among leading cancer killers and has claimed the lives of many public figures, including actor Patrick Swayze, former American Medical Association President Dr. Ron Davis, Carnegie Mellon University Professor Dr. Randy Pausch, actor Michael Landon, opera tenor Luciano Pavarotti, famed journalist Dith PranUpshaw and Clevelands own Casey Coleman to name just a few.

Jan. 31, 2006 E-mail Exchange

Here is an e-mail exchange between Ed and myself from exactly six years ago...   I was worried we were not going to have the money we needed for the deposit on the hall for our reunion, and I joked that I'd have to go out and hook for the money.  The following is regarding this issue...  when you read the last e-mail from Ed, I think on some level, that's when I KNEW he had the potential to be "The One" - that was exactly the sense of humor I needed coupled with being an adult...  Just the exact right mix of fun & work....  That was us.!

 

 

 -----Original Message-----From: Marykaye Mackulin > Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2006 11:57 AM

To:  ED DEMYAN;
Subject:  Bad News,

Well, Here is our biggest problem, Brookridge wants a
deposit of $XXX when we sign the contract - If we
could get at least the committee members to pay
their fee right now, then we can cover the deposit (with
me putting in $ XXX up front - that's all I can afford
at this time). You guys have to let me know ASAP if
you can get me a check so I can re-contact Brookridge
and set up a date to sign the contract with the $$$!
I was going to do it this Sat., however,
I doubt I'll have $XXX by then.

 

Maybe I can go work the corner for the good of the cause!

Mary Kaye - Bearer of Bad News!

 

 From: ED DEMYAN  wrote:
I think you'll make more than $XXX as long as it's
not the Spudnuts corner. :) LOL Should I mail you a
check or are you going to be around the Brooklyn
area so I can get you the $55?

 

From: Marykaye Mackulin

Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2006 1:01 PM
To: ED DEMYAN
Subject: RE: $$

Ed - We must have crossed e-mails, don't worry about
the $$$ till March 3 meeting, if you cannot make that
meeting we will catch up with the $$ the next time.

It's all good - No corners for me this year! MK :)

 

 

From: "ED DEMYAN" wrote: 

Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2006 1:21 PM
To: "Marykaye Mackulin"

 

Glad to hear you're not working the corners. I know it's glamorous and all but it's hard work. :)
I will see you at the March 3rd meeting and pay up. Thanks, Ed

"I know it's glamorous and all but it's hard work"... OMG, How hilarious is that !!!  And, so we continued getting to know each other with every e-mail, every phone conversation and every little get together over the next 90 days until that infamous night at the Mad Cactus on 4/21/2006....   After this e-mail exchange, I saw him on February 3rd at the Parma Tavern to see the band The Dynasoars....   He wasn't supposed to be there - but he showed up anyway...   He walked me to my car that night and I distinctly remember being a little bit disappointed that he didn't try to kiss me...  That did not happen until the Mad Cactus night...  When he uttered his infamous pick-up line....   "I'm gonna get you drunk tonight"... in which I replied "You don't have to!"   And then he admitted he wanted to kiss me way back in Feb. at the Parma Tavern, but was afraid that I didn't "like him like that"...   Which is o.k., it all happened in it's own good time! 

Such romantics huh... yeah, not exactly the stuff of great poetry, but as honest and as sincere as it gets!  And as most of you know, from 4/21/2006 up until his last breath on 8/17/2011 we talked every single day, usually 4 times a day (or more)....   RIP Baby, missing you as these anniversary dates have arrived....  You are in my mind and heart always. xo

Hideki Kinoshita Runs for Pancreatic Cancer and 9/11 Victims

Ultra-marathoner raises money for charity, follows passion for running

Kimberly Bogin

Running Examiner

• Editor’s note: This article is a Top 25 finalist for America Inspired. The contest celebrates extraordinary people making a difference across the United States. We invite you to cast your vote for the most compelling article in the Passion category as well as the four other America Inspired categories. After voting closes on Jan. 27, the finalists with the most votes in each category will share $100,000 in prizes.

People run for different reasons--to get in shape, qualify for Boston, relieve stress, or maybe just look good in a Speedo. Hideki Kinoshita (aka Kino) runs for money.
No, he’s not a professional. In fact, Kino calls himself an "average Joe” runner. You know, the kind of average Joe who raises $50,000 for charity, running 63 marathons and 19 ultra-marathons, including three 100-mile races and three 24-hour runs all in the span of 39 months. Running may be Kino’s passion, but giving back is his calling.

“Knowing that I am running for a cause that is greater than myself allows me to find that extra strength to dig deeper when I am experiencing the most pain,” he said.
Having lost two loved ones to pancreatic cancer, Kino has done a number of runs for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCan). “I try to select charities that support causes which are heavily under-supported and under-funded, like PanCan,” he said.

Last September, Kino earned more than $5,000 for another less publicized charity, the World Trade Center Health Program. He raised funds by accepting per-mile pledges while competing in the USA Track & Field National 24-Hour Championships, where he amassed a personal record of 104.79-miles, and placed 29th overall.

“As someone who was born in New York City and raised nearby, I wanted to give back by helping those who helped us on September 11: The 9/11 First Responders. They’re heroes in my eyes,” he said. “They risked their lives in order to safely evacuate thousands of innocent bystanders and they continue to suffer from a host of airborne diseases and cancers.”
Kino wasn’t born to run. In fact, he couldn’t stand running for the first 28-years of his life. “In high school I lettered in soccer, basketball, and baseball, but hated running with a passion,” he said. “Until 2007, the furthest I had ever run was two miles and that was for Army ROTC training.”
Then Kino watched a friend run the 2007 New York City Marathon. “After seeing people old enough to be my grandparents and seemingly more out of shape than I was run that race, I took it upon myself as a challenge to complete my first marathon,” he said.

In September of 2008, Kino ran the Yonkers Marathon. Like most first timers, Kino experienced the suffer-fest that can occur over 26.2-miles. “That first one was my most difficult road marathon. I finished third from last in 5:00:15 and was almost cut off due to the race’s five-hour time limit.” Fortunately, the race organizers let him cross the finish line, and Kino found his new passion.
Within two months of Yonkers, Kino added the Chicago Marathon and the Philadelphia Marathon to his resume, unknowingly qualifying for the international club known as the Marathon Maniacs in the process. To earn membership, a runner must complete a minimum of three marathons in 90-days. Less than three years later, Kino reached the club's top level, 10 Star Titanium, achieved by running 30 marathons in 30 different states or countries within a single calendar year.

“In general, I feel that what stands out about my running is my ability to recover quickly and avoid injury. I'm not fast, but can run a lot of races,” said Kino. “I can't count how many times my body has been able to exceed what I thought it was capable of, in terms of how far and fast I have been able to run, to recover quickly, and repeat the process again and again.”
In 2012 Kino will continue to race and raise money for charity. In June he’ll complete his 100th 26.2-mile or longer event when he runs the famed Comrades Marathon in South Africa. But he won’t stop there. In 2013 Kino hopes to find a charity sponsor as he attempts to set a new Guinness World Record for finishing the most 100-mile races in a year. The current record is 25.
“Running 26 100-milers will be an almost impossible task, considering that I have to make the strict cutoff times for each race,” Kino said. “I’d put my odds at being able to complete the task at about 10 percent, but it will definitely be worth trying.”

Even if Kino doesn’t set the record, he’ll still earn thousands of more dollars for important causes like cancer research and the heroes of September, 11. Kino may consider himself an average Joe runner, but to the people he’s helped through the money he’s raised, Hideki Kinoshita is one of the elites.

PURPLESTRIDE 2012 - MARK YOUR CALENDAR NOW!!!

I WANT EVERYONE TO MARK THEIR CALENDARS NOW!!!!

SATURDAY - JUNE 16, 2012

BE AT THE ZOO AND LET'S ALL CELEBRATE MY SWEET EDWARD JAMES...   IT'S IMPORTANT AND YOU CAN HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

THE CLEVELAND AFFILIATE OF THE PANCREATIC CANCER ACTION NETWORK ANNOUNCES PURPLESTRIDE CLEVELAND,

SATURDAY, JUNE 16^TH

AT THE CLEVELAND METROPARK ZOO

The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, a national organization creating hope in a comprehensive way through research, patient support, community outreach and advocacy for a cure, announces PurpleStride Cleveland 2012.  The 5K run/2 mile walk will promote awareness and raise funds for pancreatic cancer research and takes place on Saturday June 16, 2012 at the Cleveland Metropark Zoo.

This community event is planned entirely by local volunteers and everyone is welcome to participate.

Pancreatic cancer has the lowest survival rate among leading cancer killers and has claimed the lives of many public figures, including actor Patrick Swayze, former American Medical Association President Dr. Ron Davis, Carnegie Mellon University Professor Dr. Randy Pausch, actor Michael Landon, opera tenor Luciano Pavarotti, famed journalist Dith Pran, NFL Players Association President Gene Upshaw and Clevelands own Casey Coleman to name just a few.

Want -vs- Need

So, the other morning I get to work and find out that my place of employment is having a surprise visit from the government accrediting agency that can make or break my place of employment.  O.K., we knew that we were in the window for our survey - although you don't know "exactly" when - but still, when the Federal Gov't shows up on your doorsteps, it's a bit unnerving.  I immediately stated... "I NEED a donut" to get through these next few days.  We all know I didn't really NEED a donut - but I WANTED one - very much!  I'm fortunate enough to work with some outstanding folks - next thing you know, we had a dozen donuts in our office.  And I partook in my donut delight.  (By the way, we had an excellent outcome for our survey!)


This got me thinking how I used to tell Ed that he couldn't leave me, because I NEEDED him... funny thing was, we both knew that we really did not "need" each other;  We were old enough to know that anything we really had to do in life, we could accomplish on our own.  My goodness, I'd been living on my own since before I was 21 (few trips back to Mom's house for various reasons), I had been a single Mom since the day the Demon Seed was conceived, I had been working full time for 25 years,  I own my own car & home, so no, I did not "need" him.  (Yes, I do get a ton of help and support from my wonderful family, most notably G-ma and Aunt C...  Dan, you are the bomb too!)  If I had to, I could do it alone.  It would be hard and it would be lonely, but I could do it.

Here's the thing...  we didn't NEED each other, but, we WANTED each other.  How flippin' awesome is that.  We WANTED each other - plain and simple.  We were adults, we didn't depend on each other for really anything...  We were both self-sufficient, productive, hard-working grown-ups.  I believe this made our relationship even more special - because it was something we wanted and worked to achieve.  I didn't even know I wanted a relationship until our friendship started to turn in early April of 2006 - and I was scared  - but wow, was it the best.  I will miss him always.

Jan. 27, 2012 will mark the 6 year anniversary of the day Ed showed up at my house for our first class reunion meeting to plan that fabulous 25 yr. event that we had.  I'll never forget the image of him standing on my step...  I opened the door, I looked at him, and although I had seen him several times since our 20th reunion, there was something different about him that day - he looked fantastic - he was in a good place, and he knew it.  That confidence transcended into his physical appearance - he was smokin' hot.  And, quite honestly, I never for a second thought of Ed as "hot" in the 5 years we had known each other prior to that night.  He was just Ed, aka, Eddie Luv.  He was just a nice guy that I kinda knew.   Well, he filled us in on the events that had been occurring in his life and then we got down to reunion business.  That night, Ed stayed and talked to me, for a long time.  For once, I just listened.  I really couldn't say much, as I had never experienced the things he was going through.  He left very late and he thanked me for letting him vent.  At one point during our conversation, he got up to go to the bathroom, touched my cheek and told me I had nice skin.  I was like, um, thanks?!  I thought to myself, that's weird - guys just don't do that kind of thing.  Well, Ed was definitely not "just a guy".   So many of my friends/family know this story...  It is a night I will never forget...  although we didn't start dating until 3 months later - I think inside I kinda saw it coming that very evening.  Not because I needed something to start, but I thought maybe, just maybe, I wanted something to start.  Who knew?! 

I miss you everyday baby - I'll have my dancing shoe's on this weekend because you know I love me some Funk & Motown.  Stevie, the J5, EW&F...  Oh goodness, I can hardly wait!  Looking forward to seeing some good ol' Brooklyn alum as well.

So, hoping you all get what you Want, but have everything you Need.

Peace - MK

I Assume you are going to Judge this

So - Recently, Assumptions have been made, A LOT, and the term Judgemental has been thrown around, a lot...  The funny thing is, everyone Judges and everyone Assumes.  It's called being a human.  Assuming and Judging happens quite a bit with people who do not communicate well.  When you cannot communicate with someone, you start to assume what they mean.  Early on in mine & Ed's relationship, I encouraged him to work on improving communication with some important players in his life - he didn't want to...  I couldn't change that.  His attitude was always the same on this subject, up until he died as a matter of fact.

This isn't new to my life or our situation (as in, Ed's and mine).  I see it everywhere, all the time.  For us, it started immediately in our relationship, with people who could have made things really easy for everyone involved, actually according to Ed, it started way before that.  I didn't have a clue that I was  being "judged" by folks I had only said "hi" to in the past.  I didn't realize I was so offensive to people when I was out in public - you know, all that smiling, being nice to people, showing respect, having fun, laughing & that damn saying "hi" thing- My God - How Awful (insert sarcasm here).  As opposed to, well, being the exact opposite.  My goodness, I'm almost a monster.

I guess the irony of it is, in the spring of 2006, I was as optimistic as anyone could have imagined about a future with an extended family (which is not like me at all) but once I found out that my reputation had been trashed and that no amount of my being nice/or telling the truth was going to change the situation {because, shockingly, I HAD BEEN JUDGED}, what did I do - I judged back.  Do I regret it - not for a single minute.  That's called self preservation.  As time progressed and some of this persons very negative actions entered my home (i.e., police report was made) affecting my daughter and the man I loved - I no longer cared about protecting feelings or being open to this new person/people (no minors involved in this statement).  This was Not at all the way I envisioned things going for us...  I pictured "Adult Land" with open and honest communication and compromises - um, NO.  I became immediately inflexible about these folks and I become even more so as Ed became sicker.  If these people hurt his feelings, broke his heart or mad him mad, I became irate - I mean, how dare you treat a dying man this way, right?!  After Ed died - I was going to honor his wishes come hell or high water, and I tried my best, and it pissed people off, and I didn't particularly care.  Do I care now - just a bit, but not much really.  I mean, come on people, he was DYING.  The petty crap you were worried about (I don't know, a refrigerator comes to mind) angered me in a way that I cannot describe.  Like a cartoon person with steam coming out of their ears - like that.  I mean MAD. Mad beyond belief.  And so, I'm not mad anymore, but people are mad at me - I just don't care now, and it feels kinda great.  Ed used to talk so much about "letting go", and now I understand what he meant.  He was wise.

Judgmental:  Of / Or denoting an attitude in which judgment about other people's conduct are made;

If  YOUR CONDUCT SUCKS,  I'll have an opinion - you can call it "judging" - I call it, calling you on your bullshit.  And, visa-versa - when you don't like my behavior, you can do the same, and you have!  Just something that has been on my mind lately. 

You know what's terrible, I have a grudge against 2 individuals on this planet - funny thing is - I don't know either of them personally - Pathetic really.  The difference between now & 5 months ago - I don't care anymore.  When Ed was alive, I always felt like I needed to prove that I wasn't "the bad guy", "the monster", "the home wrecker"...  It wasn't me - it was something entirely different that I had absolutely nothing to do with.  But, I guess sometimes it's easier to just blame an outsider, a stranger, than to be accountable for your own actions.  Whateve's, I'll be the bad guy now - if that helps people sleep at night - no problem. 

Oh, and when you make "accusations" about a dead man - who isn't available to defend himself - really?!  That's Low, and I will judge you on that.

Ed was a great Fiance' and a Great Father and a Great Step Father and a Great Friend and a Great Employee and a Great Member of My Family - Those are Facts.  That's all that really matters anymore.

I'm done venting for now - and you can be the judge of that.

Peace - May you not be Judged for things you had nothing to do with!
MK

Letter To The Editor

Click on the Title Above "Letter To The Editor" and read what January is all about for Pancreatic Cancer.

Thank You Sun News for taking the Letter To The Editor serious and publishing it in this weeks edition!

For You Edward - I will never stop fighting the monster who stole you from our lives entirely too soon.

I had yet another dream about you last night - that makes about 6 times in the last two weeks.  I have no idea as to why, all of the sudden, you have come into my nights, but I wake up feeling very blessed that you have.  Maybe you waited until I was feeling like myself again and you knew that this would only make me happy and not sad now.

Please join our fight - pancan.org -or- knowitfightitendit.org - you won't regret getting involved with some of the most incredible people I have had the honor to get to know.

All cancers need to be fought hard - we just need to get Pancreatic Cancer in the same ballpark as some of the others.

With Love - and finally finding much needed Peace,
MK

LAWRENCE A. Larry SZUHAY Obituary: View LAWRENCE SZUHAY's Obituary by The Plain Dealer

LAWRENCE A. Larry SZUHAY Obituary: View LAWRENCE SZUHAY's Obituary by The Plain Dealer

My dear friend Connie - how my heart breaks for you and your girls.

I am here if you need me.

Happy New Year



2011 is Over

I have nothing profound to say to anyone, other than the usual - Life Is Short - Live It.

The emotional highs and lows of 2011 are not something that can be put into words.  If you have lived cancer, you know.  I was lucky, so incredibly lucky, to be wholly loved by someone and it made my life fantastic.  People keep asking me why Ed and I never got married, the truth is, he would have married me if I said it was what I wanted.  However, I never really felt like putting that kind of stress on our relationship while he was sick.  It just wouldn't have been worth it to waste our energy.   Some days I regret it - most days I don't.  He used to tell me all the time that we were more married than most people with a marriage certificate and that a piece of paper doesn't really mean that much.  He would say that he knew in God's eyes that we found who we were supposed to be with.  How do you argue with someone who says those things to you.  He loved me entirely.  I loved him entirely.  This was our love story - for 5 1/2 years when we were alone together we were incredibly happy.  Now, that's not to say that we didn't have our moments, we did - but those revolved around our outside lives - not the two of us together as a couple.  It is why we made a point of spending serious alone time together every few months so we could concentrate on just "us" and it would remind us every time of how lucky we were. 

We traveled to Atlanta on three occasions, plus Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Hilton Head, Dallas, Mexico and our many trips over to PIB together - these were the incredible moments we had together.  Some shared with family and friends, but so many quiet alone nights.  Those are what I miss the most.  Alone nights. We had the concerts, twice to see Toby Keith, we had Brad Paisley, Michael Stanley, Ritchie Blackmore and of course, Alice Cooper.  We had several football games and baseball games.  Ed was the first person I ever tail-gated with - I have no desire to do it again because he won't be there.  

When you can spend time with someone in complete silence (yes, sometimes I don't talk, shocking) and be completely comfortable - you know it's right.  We were best friends above all else.  We had great, great kisses, our physical chemistry overwhelmed us both in the beginning...  What an awesome gift in your mid 40's.  But, once the chemo started, there was no more real physical affection, and that is where being best friends comes into play.  He would get so bummed because he couldn't sleep with me because his pain levels became so intense and I missed kissing him more than anything.  Being together as best friends made the other stuff not so important.  He did get mad at me 'cause I was always asking him what I could do for him in those last few months - he told me I was being too "motherly" - but, hell, isn't that what women do?!  When you watch someone you love suffer, you feel the need to fix it.  But we all know, there was no fixing it.   I was so glad he went to Key West with his boys, not just for the need for them all to be together for some real man-bonding, but they got a real taste of what he was going through.  I believe that helped everyone understand  how tough it was for me not to be all "Mommy Bear" with him.   I never sanitized my hands so much in my life!  If someone coughed, I'd be all "get away from him", I made him wash his hands and sanitize them all the time when we were in public or after he played out with Newport...  By the way, where is that new CD fellas?!  He got to play his music, fish, hang out with his great friends, and be very much loved through 2011.  And I acquired a great support team...  Never once did I feel alone in our battle.   Because, again, friendship is truly what makes our lives great - and when you are really lucky - your family is not only your family, but your family members are also friends!  Ed was loved by so, so many and Ed will be missed always.

When we went to hospice in August, we both knew that it was the end and we both knew how lucky we were to have each other.  Nothing was left unsaid.  I will never love anyone, other than my child, that much again and that makes me sad.  It also makes me happy to know that I was one of the lucky ones to experience the real thing, even if it only lasted a brief time.  

So, as we close 2011, I say to you - be good to your loved ones, it is really the most important thing.   

PC needs to be stopped

Here is a blog everyone should read that has read ours:

http://merimeejourney.blogspot.com/

This family's journey with PC makes what Ed and I dealt with look like a walk in the park. 

Pray for them as you prayed for us.  You will cry, you will be inspired, you will leave your computer knowing how truly lucky you are if your family is healthy.

Time with your loved ones - it is truly the most important thing on this planet.

Christmas Week

So, it's the week of Christmas - it's been 4 months and I am doing surprisingly well.  After posting about "letting go", it really makes a big difference.  I think I only cried a few times this week, mostly because of certain Christmas songs.  I know mass will be difficult on Saturday - but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

The kid had another weekend of one basketball game and two soccer games;  She had 2 - three pointers again this week in b-ball, that always gives her a boost in the ol' ego department.  She played tough soccer on Sunday as well.  Her body is paying the price today.  She got nailed pretty good - but she also nailed a few players pretty hard as well.  Really playing some tough defense.  And, a Christmas miracle occurred - she stayed home Sat. all day & night and even watched a movie with me.  Truly a blast from the past.  I guess you could say we are both finding our "new normal".  It was nice to have her home.  She continues to do really well in her new school program and for that I am thankful.  I am surprised about how much drama she still seems to encounter from girls she doesn't ever see anymore - man, ladies, get a life.  Geesh.  She's been so pleasant (I know that typing these words - I'm changing it already).  Well, this could be because she wants awesome Christmas gifts - yeah, like I'd ever really NOT get her awesome gifts.  I rock as Santa. 

Next on the ol' kid agenda will be her temporary license and driving school - UGH.  I am not ready for this.  I'm completely freaking out - I so don't want her to drive.  But, you know, it has to happen.  This is the area where Ed would have been awesome - he's already been through it and he was so calm and rational that he would have been a huge help to her in this capacity.  You know he is just laughing his ass of at me freaking out.  

So, anyway, family coming home from the ATL and Charlotte on Thursday - Yeah.  Charles D. from Los Angeles will also be in town and I will have the honor of delivering Ed's Gibson to him on Friday.  I know this will make both Chuck and Ed happy - it will be in the good hands of his great friend to play from now on.

So, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year - or- Happy Chrismahannakwanzavis - what ever you celebrate, I hope it's great. 

mk

Don't like it - Don't read it

Dear Other Bitter Spiteful People (as I, myself, have been one lately) - you don't like my blog - don't read it.  Thank You and have a lovely Christmas Season.

After this weekend - I've decided that I won't continue to be this way.  It IS entirely too ugly and I have come to the conclusion that it would really disappoint Ed and that from yesterday moving forward....  I'm going to be happy.  'Cause that's what he wanted.

Watch, I'll change this a few more times.   See - 12/14 - Changing It....   Relief - I feel relief at last...  I have finally let go...  Man, does this feel good.   I think I have caught up on much needed sleep and I don't have to "try" anymore....   Forward movement now.   So, I may not have prayed recently - but, I believe, all of yours have paid off.  So Thank You.  MK

12.6.11

Well, less than 20 days till Christmas.  I have not purchased one item, not one.  It is pretty tragic actually.  I have not put up my tree yet either - just pathetic. 

So, Christmas....  What is there to say.  I cannot go into a church without losing it.  Christmas Eve mass is going to be completely embarrassing because I know I will just weep.  I would always get very emotional at Christmas anyway, now I'm a complete basket case.  I really thought that at the 4 month mark I'd really start to bounce back, but yeah, that ain't happening.  Ugh. 

My child is at least doing better now that I have yanked her out of the hell that was her High School.  She has been in a special program for one week now and it seems to be going well.  Man are girls mean these days, jeesh.  I mean, girls have always been mean, but it's at an entirely different level now-a-days.  Social media doesn't help either.  She just has to find her part-time job and I think she will really begin to grow in a positive direction.  I think Ed would have liked this change for her.  He was always on her "team" and really did see the positive attributes of that child.   She misses him so much - as, obviously, we all do.  Ed's "boys" and their wives have done a great job taking care of me these past months, and for that, I am thankful.  I had the incredible need to be around people who knew him best and they let me.  I was so sad when I did not get to go through his personal effects, it broke my heart in ways that are not even explainable (I'm sure there are several people who will find joy in that).  As time passes, and I've come to accept the fact that I will not get the personal items I made for him, which he treasured, I realize that I did get the best thing of all - I got incredible friendships, and that is worth more than any Christmas calendar or card or book or goofy t-shirt or jacket or whatever other material items I seemed to be missing.  I have his words from his e-mails and I have great, great friends.  I have acquired two new "bff's" actually....  Darcy and Toni - what would I do without you ladies for even one nano-second, I cannot even begin to imagine.  Then there are the rest of them....  Rob and John, Wendy & Michael, Nano & Greg, Jean & Mark, Greg & Dawn, Johnny G & Melissa....   You are forever in my heart.  Then, there are their children - I love each of them as well.  Oh, how each of you have become such an important part of my life.  Please know, I realize I have been quite difficult these past few months - but also know I love you all and wish each and everyone of you, and your families, a very Happy & Healthy Holiday Season.

So, as I try and move forward, I must remind myself every single morning that Ed made me a better person and in turn I will try and continue to be a better person.  It's hard.  It's harder than anything I have ever done.   With the child preparing for her Confirmation, being in church will once again be something I begin to do regularly, and with any luck, and by the Grace of God, maybe - just maybe - I will be able to stop crying every time I step foot in church.  I told her, her confirmation name should be "Edwina" - ha - she didn't agree.... shocking!  But, I promised Edward that I would make her complete her Sacraments and that I will do.

Ed had several nick names, I guess the most commonly known was Eddie Luv or Dr. Luv...  but I have started to refer to my child as the one he thought was pretty funny - Demon Seed.  Some days I believe she was made with an actual Demon Seed.... AND THEN,  then there are days like yesterday...  Cleaned her room, emptied her garbage, cleaned up her bathroom and, the icing on the cake, cleaned the fish bowl.  I refuse to clean the fish bowl - refuse.  I told her no goldfish were welcome in my home, then in July of 2010 she just had to bring one home from the Strongsville Home Days.  Um.  Not happy.  And the damn thing is still alive - WTF people.  However, at that time, Ed was on a mission to keep the stupid fish living...  He did a great job.  I mean, seriously, who has a carnival fish for 18 months?!  But, the Demon Seed really stepped up yesterday and did what she needed to do.  For that, I was grateful! 

To my incredible family - You all know you are the bomb, what would I do without your unconditional love and support - who would help me drive the Demon Seed to and from every corner of Strongsville?!  Thank You....  and I love you all dearly. 

So, if anyone is still reading this thing - I wish you all a happy, and most importantly, a Healthy Holiday Season and New Year. 

MK...........   and always, always, Edward James

And if you are looking for volunteer opportunities in the New Year - knowitfightitendit.org... Join our fight, won't you!

So, Thanksgiving

So, like I stated above, I hate to admit it and I hate to sound so bitter - but I really wasn't feeling very "thankful" this Thanksgiving.  Although being with the closest people to me for 4 days in the ATL was a great break from reality!  And, anytime I can have cocktails at El Azteca in the ATL, it's all good.  I have some very fond memories of Ed there!

My teenager has decided that it is everyone else's fault but her own that she needs to leave her high-school...  Hmmmm, no one else made the bad choices for you - you are the only one that has the power to change what you do?!  Man, wake up already and take some responsibility for yourself.  It has just made an incredibly difficult time almost completely unbearable.  The drama and ugliness she brings home is unreal.  Hopefully this change will help her grow up and see that she needs to get it together or her future will be pretty pathetic and she will wind up in a job that she hates just to pay the bills (I speak from experience).  Help yourself while you're young and you can make changes.

Other than that - I just try to get through each day without having a mental break down.  And now, bring on the rest of the Holidays....  Not in the least excited about any of it.

When the one person in your life that made everything bearable is gone, nothing really seems to matter anymore.  He truly filled me with joy and made me laugh every single day we were together.  Laughing is not something I do very often anymore - I just "am" now.  If anyone would have told me that I could be this incredibly sad, I would not have believed it for a minute.  But sad I am, all the time.
And for these reasons - I tend not to update the blog very much.  Who wants to read this depressing stuff, no one really, and I get that.

There is no more "we", just an "I" and that sucks, plain and simple. 

So - if you are lucky enough to be a "we" with that exact right person, do not - I repeat - Do Not take it for granted, it could be gone before you know it.  And, if you are in a miserable situation - change it!  Don't try to be honorable, be Happy!  Ed had regrets, big ones, we discussed this a lot in the end - he would tell you all - Be Happy even it means not "doing the right thing" because that will just get you screwed in the end.

So - Be Happy everyone and make changes in 2012.  I know I'm going to try 'cause it's all there is left to do.